Sasuke and Broccoli
by UzumaNaru
Summary: a one shot with Sasuke and Naruto that involves Sasuke getting drunk and starts seeing broccoli everywhere. CRACK FIC. implied KakaIru


Disclaimer: i DO NOT own Naruto in anyway nor am i making profit off of this. tho if i did own Naruto, SasuNaru and KakaIru would so be there in the anime. *sigh* alas it is Masashi Kishimoto who owns everything. i just own the story. anyway this is a crack fic between Sasuke and Naruto, and others, where Sasuke gets drunk off of Jack Daniels and starts seeing broccoli. enjoy ^^.

'Hn, well it's Saturday so I can do whatever I want.' Sasuke thought while he was walking home. 'Now all I have to do is not run into the...'  
"Sasuke!" 'Dobe,' Sasuke finished with a sigh.  
"Oi, Sasuke!" Naruto called again, running toward Sasuke.  
"What, Dobe?" Sasuke said in annoyance, turning around.  
"Me and some of the guys were gonna hang out tonight and throw a party, you wanna come?"  
"No," Sasuke replied shortly.  
"Aww, c'mon Sasuke! Kiba's bringing drinks!"  
"Hn, another reason why I'm not going," Sasuke said, turning around to head back home.

Naruto knew he had to do something FAST to make sure Sasuke came. Suddenly an idea came to him.  
"Sasuke! I challenge you to a drinking contest!" Naruto said while pointing his finger at Sasuke.  
Sasuke stopped dead in his tracks, 'Shit! Now I'm gonna have to do it. Damn Dobe knows I never back down from a challenge.' Sasuke spun around.  
"You're on!" Sasuke yelled back, watching a smirk cover Naruto's face.  
"Great. Meet me at my house at 3:00."  
Sasuke looked at his watch: 1:30. He had an hour and a half.  
"I'll be there." With that they both turn around and walk away: Sasuke to his house; Naruto to tell everybody that he would be challenging Uchiha Sasuke to a drinking contest.

~~~~~~1 hour and 15 minutes later~~~~~~

'Man, what the HELL am I thinking?' Sasuke thought to himself as he was walking toward Naruto's house, 'I can't believe I'm doing this. Damn that Dobe for challenging me.' He arrived and knocked on the door. He was expecting Naruto to answer; instead it was Kiba who opened the door.  
"Well you're early, Sasuke. You eager to get your ass kicked?" Kiba jibed.  
"Shut up," was all Sasuke said as he elbowed his way past the dog carrying ninja, "Naruto! Where are you?"  
"In here, teme" came from the direction of the kitchen.  
"Where's Iruka?" Sasuke asked, not seeing their former teacher anywhere.  
Naruto smiled slightly, "He's out with Kakashi-sensei. We have the house to ourselves."  
"Good, let's get this thing started. I wanna beat your ass as soon as I can so I can get home."  
"Hah! I think it's gonna be me who's kicking your ass." Naruto said in response.  
"Hn."  
Naruto took a few minutes to set everything up. During the process, the doorbell kept ringing as more and more people showed up; eager to watch the drinking contest. There was Lee, Neji, Ten-Ten, Shino, Kiba, Hinata, Shikamaru, Ino, Chouji, and even Sakura came.  
Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "What's with all the people, Dobe?"  
"Well it IS a party," Naruto said in response, smirking at Sasuke's narrow mindedness. Of course they weren't there for the party, but to see Naruto and Sasuke's drinking competition.  
A few more minutes saw Naruto ready.  
"Now to bring out what we will be drinking," Naruto leaned down to pick up a brown paper bag, setting it on the table. He reaches inside and pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniels.  
"Compliments of Kiba," Naruto says when he sees Sasuke raise his eyebrow again. Sasuke's never drank Jack Daniels before, but he wasn't about to tell Naruto that.  
"Now let's begin." To back up Naruto's statement, music suddenly starts blaring from the speakers as everyone crowds around the table as the two men seat themselves.  
Naruto pours their first glass and pushes one toward Sasuke. Putting the bottle down and picking up his own glass, Naruto raises it and says, "bottoms up." With that they down their first shot.  
Sasuke put his glass back down as he feels the liquor burn down his throat. He takes deep breaths as his face flushes red. 'Wow, that's some powerful stuff.' He smirks at Naruto despite feeling lightheaded from only one drink.  
"Shall we continue?" Sasuke asks. Naruto just smirks.

~~~~~~10 minutes and 6 shots later~~~~~~

'Wwwooowww, look at all the people,' Sasuke thinks, woozily. 'Where did they all come from? There was only a few awhile ago. And why the hell do they all look alike?' Sasuke's eyes unfocused, apparently not noticing Naruto was trying real hard to not burst out laughing. Nope, he was too busy noticing how every head in the vicinity was starting to turn into what suspiciously looked like broccoli. 'What the hell? Broccoli? I don't even like broccoli.'  
"Um, Sasuke? You okay?" Naruto asks, still trying to keep from laughing.  
"Broccoli..." Sasuke mumbles  
"Huh?" Naruto asks, bewildered, the smile falling from his face.  
"Everybody's heads look like broccoli," Sasuke mumbled again, his slowly turning head finally making it to Naruto, "Even yours."  
"Uh, well I guess it's safe to assume that I win this battle."  
Sasuke stands up upon hearing this, "Well that's good Naruto, nice to hear that. Now, if you'll excuse me I wanna get out of here before the broccoli heads start eating me. I don't like broccoli..." With that he stumbles to the door, yanking it open and exiting the premises.  
Everybody stares after him in concern, "Uh, is he gonna be okay?" someone asks.  
"I don't know," Shikamaru replies, "maybe somebody should follow him."  
Everybody looks his way.  
"Wha--?" he sighs, "Man this is going to be troublesome," with that he slips out the door to follow the drunken Uchiha.

'Broccoli. Why the hell does everything look like broccoli?' Sasuke thought, narrowly avoiding a stop sign that suddenly decided to jump in his way.  
"Okay, stop sign, you wanna have a go, huh? I'll beat you--" slowly the stop sign started to turn into broccoli. Sasuke groaned, 'not again...fine have it your way, stupid broccoli looking stop sign.'  
"You know," he says, pointing a finger, or two, at the stop sign, "if you continue looking like broccoli, I'm not gonna be surprised if someone comes an starts eatin ya." With that, he stumbles away, muttering 'broccoli.'  
After a few miles of stumbling and still muttering broccoli, he suddenly starts laughing out loud.  
"Broccoli! Don't you get it? I hate broccoli and EVERYTHING starts to turn into broccoli!" He tells nobody in particular, or maybe he was talking to that bush that had turned into broccoli just a few minutes before. By this time he had wandered to the park, still muttering 'broccoli', which was in the opposite direction of his house. And apparently there was a birthday party going on. And everybody's heads looked like broccoli. By this time he was so fed up with seeing broccoli, he started to run toward the children screaming "broccoli!" as loud as he could.  
"BROCCOLI! WHY DO YOU ALL LOOK LIKE BROCCOLI?! I HATE BROCCOLI!!" he started running toward one of the bushier looking broccoli's which promptly parted at the stem and started screaming, running away from him as fast as it could.  
"Yeah, that's right! Run away from the broccoli hater! You're all the same!" He starts running after another broccoli which also started screaming and running away.  
"Stop looking like broccoli!" He stops chasing at this point since everything in the park was part of a conspiracy to make him fall, including his feet. But he continues to scream at the retreating broccoli figures, "Yeah run away, you stupid broccoli heads, I HATE broccoli! They just need to get rid of you!"  
He stops screaming to take a breath, at which point the ground decides the join the 'lets make him fall' conspiracy. He hits the ground and before blacking out, all he thinks is, 'stupid broccoli, making me fall like that, no wonder I hate you.' Then darkness rises up to consume him.

Sasuke awoke to light stabbing his eyes and a brilliant headache that was trying to tear his skull in two.  
"Wa...ter..." Sasuke croaked through a dry throat, "Need...water..."  
A chuckle sounded at his right and he very slowly moved his head in that direction to see an big black and orange blob in front of his face.  
"Naru...to?"  
"Yeah, it's me." Naruto replied, helping Sasuke sit up so he could drink. When sitting up, Sasuke was able to recognize some similarities between this place and Naruto's house. Sasuke decided to wait until he had taken a few gulps of water before telling Naruto someone stole from his house.  
"Naruto...I think someone robbed your house,"  
Naruto laughed at this, but did so quietly so as not to hurt Sasuke's hang-overed head, "Silly, that's because this IS my house."  
"Oh...what are we doing here then? Why didn't I get home?"  
"Uh, cause apparently you decided to take a detour through the park and scare some little kids by screaming 'broccoli' at their retreating figures."  
"Oh shit, I did that?"  
"Yeah. Don't you remember?"  
"No...not really."  
But in the end he didn't really have to remember; his friends were all too happy to recite EVERYTHING he did: from talking to the stop sign, to talking to the bush, to scaring the little kids. Sasuke demanded to know how they knew he talked to the stop sign and the bush and all they said in reply was that 'we have our ways.'  
Needless to say, Sasuke didn't drink Jack Daniels anymore. For some reason, only Jack Daniels made people's heads turn into broccoli. And if Naruto challenged him to another drinking contest, then it would be SASUKE who would be choosing the drink.

Haha! anyway let me know if you enjoyed my little rambling of the drunkeness.


End file.
